Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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