I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
