WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
