My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
