good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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