Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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