just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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