I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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