You just made me feel so damn special
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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