I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize