god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
