Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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