I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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