this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
