i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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