I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
