Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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