peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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