just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
