I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
