Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
