I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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