News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
