Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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