Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
