no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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