We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
