Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
