Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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