I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
