there's paper in my vomit.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
