I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
