Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize