Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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