First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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