You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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