There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
