Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So vagazzling was a success
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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