She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
false alarm. still invincible.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
