Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
