Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
