why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
this hospital has no fireball
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
