I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Text me some of your sweat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
