If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
