She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize