He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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