Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm passing your future prison.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize