what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
