this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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