I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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