You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
