So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
