Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
