So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
