If i come over, it means nothing
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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