Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
