you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
