the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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