You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
