My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wear drunk well.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize