I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
