i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
