boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
