Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
