So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
