when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
